Feeling...sober

Negaraku
Tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup
Selamat dan maju
Rahmat bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita
Selamat bertahkta
Rahmat bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita
Selamat bertahkta

The Maxis TV commercial challenges us to remember our national anthem. Brilliant ad, in my opinion. Definitely deserved more than the silver award they picked up for use of music in the local ad awards last year. Simple, short, sweet. And the message hits you right in the gut. I wish I had done it.

To all you Malaysians out there, Happy National Day.

Feeling...hung-over

Didn't make it to work today. Woke up with a pounding headache and nausea. It was supposed to have been a quick meet-up with Shaz and Lyd. I had to be home by 11pm to catch the repeat of Buffy. So what the hell happened?

It had to be the cute owner whom we chatted with the entire night. When he started coming over and talking to us, I knew I wasn't going to make it for Buffy.

I seriously don't really know how many bottles we opened last night. But I do remember that conversation was a blast. We ended up playing 80's trivia - who sang this song? What was the name of that movie? It was so so funny. He was so so funny [drool]. Hmm...now I wonder, is he single?

Looks like we'll be heading back there pretty soon.

Feeling... angry, annoyed & conned

I hate it when friends try to take advantage of me or try to pull a fast one. Don't give me all that business proposal/it's too complicated to talk about it over the phone/there are some business associates of mine that I would like you to meet bullshit. Bluddy hell, if it's some direct selling shit, just tell me it's some direct selling shit. And you can spare me the multi-level marketing/network marketing/whatever marketing jargon. As far as I'm concerned, they are all the same. And my answer for all would have been the same too: NO THANK YOU.

I would have expected a friend to be more open and honest with me (and especially one whom I've known for such a long time!) Not go about it in such a underhanded way to get me there, especially when he had known I was really busy at work and had to go out of my way to attend this stupid shit. Bluddy hell. Even when I got there, he still refused to say what it was all about. It was only when I walked into the apartment and saw the product that confirmed my suspicions.

Boy. To say I was pissed off would have been an understatement.

Anyway, we sort-of laid our cards out on the table after. I told him I was annoyed and unhappy and disappointed. He should have come right out and told me what it was all about instead of been so damn secretive about it. In a sense, I felt cheated - cheated and betrayed because he was obviously hoping to 'con' me into turning up; and cheated of my time because I would very likely have put it to better use as I would have had blatantly told him I wasn't interested.

Surprisingly it went rather well...without outbursts or verbal assaults. He apologised. I apologised. Teary-eyed, we ended up giving each other hugs and kisses amid strained laughter as we dismissed the touchy subject.

Find a hole. Bury it all up. Forget tonight.

It never happened.

Feeling... indifferent

Ho hum.

The air-conditioning is off. I'm sitting in the office, breathing the still, stale air waiting for the artworks to get done so I can sign my life away on them. But I shall not bitch about it.

Managed to run out for about an hour and a half for a hair cut just now. Finally made my appointment after having to cancel three times over the last week. Not that my hair is any different now. I suppose it's just tidier and I look less like a mad woman. Which I guess is good.

Oh. And he did reply. Though conversation was rather fake and too polite. But I guess at least he was nice enough to do so. [shrug]

A three-minute phone call ending with the mandatory, "Maybe we'll meet for drinks sometime?"

Yeah.

Maybe.

Sometime.

Feeling... confused

It's his birthday today.

But I'm too self-conscious to give him a call to wish him...although I did SMS him. Not that I'd expect him to reply [shrug].

Oh well.

I guess if nothing at all, that SMS should serve to remind him that I'm still alive.

Feeling... excited

They have the handbag in Singapore!

So since Sharon's there at the moment, she's getting it for me. Oh happy happy joy joy I can't wait, I can't wait!

Feeling... disappointed

I learned a lesson today...

When you see something you really like, just go ahead and buy it.

The Prada handbag is gone. Sigh.

Somehow when I walked into the boutique today, I had a funny feeling it wasn't going to be there anymore.

True enough.

Sigh.

Sigh.

And again, sigh.

Feeling... a little high

It was great catching up with the rest of the gang after work today. When I stepped up to the bar, I realised that I hadn't seen them for so long! And I nearly didn't get to see them too cos...yea, you guessed it. At 6 pm, the morons in my office decided to have a meeting and brainstorm.

The task?

To come up with ideas for Merdeka in 45 minutes.

Not that it can't be done. But helllllllloo. Do we really need to set a precedent here? What comes next? The client demanding that we come up with ideas in 15 minutes?!

Useless bunch of suits.

The MD was standing next to me when I very subtlely voiced my displeasure at how things were being managed. The sneaky bugger very subtlely voiced that he had problems too. And I quote him: "There are problems all the time. The higher up you go, the more problems there are. We just have to learn to live and endure them."

What sort of stupid 'explanation' is that? You're the bluddy MD. You're the one in a position to tackle problems and make the necessary changes. Not gripe to one of your subordinates about the problems you face. Geesh. Why the hell is it they pay you so much money for? It's so obvious that there's a major problem with how the clients are being managed. So do something about it.

Well I guess I very probably won't be confirmed when my probation period is up. I could just imagine him thinking: "We can't have people with rebellious streaks in here. What we need are obedient work slaves. When I ask you to sit, you sit. When I ask you to stand, you stand."

Fine.

It's their loss. Not mine.

Anyway. F them.

Think happy thoughts.

Ah.

Guinness on tap. Finally.

The smooth, cold black malt never tasted better.

I didn't expect so many of the gang to be there when I strolled into Chilies...which was a nice surprise. I had only thought it was going to be KitZ, Heng and Joleyn. But there was Brian, Roni and Pete too. And coincidentally, Vicky and Sean were at the next table!

Yup, it was a laughter-fest as usual. And since it's Brian's birthday, we proceeded to embarrass him and ourselves by singing the birthday song at the top of our lungs.

I've not laughed so much in such a long time.

Friends.

How I love them.

They really know how to make you feel better in the shortest period of time.

Current state of mind: a little unstable

"You know how it is in our industry. Working late, working weekends. It's nothing new."

Nope it's nothing new. But this has just been @%#!*!&# unbelievable.

There must be something seriously, seriously wrong with how the suits are managing the clients when every damn job seems to have a 2-hour deadline! Why have a creative department then? You might as well take it to a factory line.

Oh. And while you're at it, just let me sign the contract that says "I sell you my life."

Damn.

I think now would be a good time for a heap load of money to fall onto my lap - money that will set me for life so that I can tell the necessary people to take this job and stuff it up where the sun don't shine.

Wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin'
Planning and dreamin' each night...

Current state of mind: unwanted

And so another friend is getting married.

Pretty soon I'm going to be the only one left.

I can just picture little brats running around me yelling 'spinster, spinster, spinster.' Am I desperate? No, of course I'm not. I'm a financially and psychologically independent woman who can take care of herself just fine.

OK.

So maybe I am a teeny weeny bit desperate.

Everybody seems to have found their own half, whereas I'm always 'the best friend'. Why? Why? Why?

I may not be drop dead gorgeous but I don't think I'm that bad looking, am I? So what is it that's wrong with me? Why aren't I attracting any guys? Heck, I can't even attract any girls! Not that I would want to, but at least it's an ego boost.

I won't say I'm picky either. Not that much. I mean, I can't just settle for any Tom, Dick or Harry who comes my way. I'm not that desperate yet. And I'm not asking for an extremely good-looking guy - but hey, even the not so good-looking ones won't look my way!

Sigh.

Talk about being a loser.

My biological clock's ticking away and there's no one in sight to help with the winding.

Current state of mind: desperate

OMG.

I just spent the last hour or so going through MSN personals.

I can't believe I'm that desperate to have to resort to such a thing... though I have to say there are a lot of guys out there looking for friendship, relationships, marriage etc etc. Some good looking ones even.

Which makes me wonder. Do such things really work? I mean, whoever this guy is, he's a total stranger. Anyone knows you can hide behind a computer and conjure up any world you want the person on the other side to believe. Do we really know who it is we're 'talking' to and trying to forge a relationship with (be it casual or more)? It could be some psycho on the other side for all we know. Then again, the 'psycho' on the other side is probably thinking the same about whoever it is on this side.

But what about my friends who seem to have found lifelong bliss with their partners whom they met on the net? Who knows, maybe I may stumble upon someone too? After all, if it worked for them...

Geesh.

I can't believe I'm even contemplating this.

I really need to get out more.

I really need to meet more people.

I really need a life.

A real one.

Current state of mind: extremely exhausted

I don't know how long I can keep this up. The work just seems endless! You're not even done with one and there's already another on your table.

Madness.

Nearly didn't turn up for work today cos I seriously thought it was a Saturday. My body clock's gone all wonky. Since I was working through Saturday and Sunday, I thought Sunday was a Friday and so today had to be a Saturday.

Did that make sense?

Great.

Now I'm not even making sense.

Somebody call the men in white suits.

Current state of mind: exhausted

Sometimes I wonder what's the point of it all? We work our butts off, sell our souls, give up our lifes...and what do we get in return? A measly amount of money they call a salary. Who was the smart aleck who decided we had to work for a living anyway? That could possibly be one murder I could commit. After all, it would be to the benefit of everybody.

Yes it's a Sunday and I'm at work.

Grrr...

Current state of mind: hmmm...

My new office is as chaotic as the previous one. When will I ever learn never to join an agency with a telco client? First weekend of work and I have to work. There goes Saturday and Sunday. Bye bye. Sigh...

I've also decided to give the silk road trip a miss. I suppose asking for 7 days leave just two months after joining is kinda rude.

Oh well.

This means I don't have to feel all guilty now if I go purchase the Prada handbag. Which I'm going to do...even though it is 1400+ ringgit but what the heck.

No silk road. Have Prada handbag.

I reckon it's a fair exchange.

Current state of mind: shrug

First day of work.

I don't know what to make of it yet though. The work seems promising and interesting enough (I get to do an MTV!) but the camaradie among people there seems to be missing. Of course, the fact that I don't have a permanent desk/work station yet and I'm sitting in a spot that just calls for everyone who walks in and out of the office to stare at me, could be the other depressing factors.

No.

I have to be positive.

Must not let any negative energy deter me.

Ignore.

Ignore.

Watch TV instead.

Joyce died in today's episode.

Funny how I didn't shed a tear even though it was totally heart-wrenching (I cry for almost anything!) Maybe the fact that I had already known she would die sort-of dampened it a bit for me. I dunno. I could so put myself in the scoobies' shoes while I was watching this episode though. The awkwardness of knowing they had to be there for Buffy but the helplessness of not knowing what to do in such a situation...somehow I could really relate. It also made me think about my relationship with my mother. I know I really should try to be more patient with her. I keep thinking about Buffy and Dawn. What would I do if I lost my mother?

I can't imagine.

I really can't.

Current state of mind: in deep shit

It's 2.20 in the morning.

And I can't get to sleep.

I've got work today.

And it's my first day too.

And I am so totally wide awake.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

Current state of mind: calmer

Since building management was about as useful as a piece of booger, I made a few phone calls myself. I was very calm, very nice, very polite [patting myself on the back]...and no heads rolled. So, now the decoder's fixed, it's back sitting in it's place above my VCR player and I have picture and sound. Of course I had to drive to the service centre, wait about for a bit while they tinkered with the machine trying to determine what the bloody hell was wrong with it and pay 95 ringgit for parts and services rendered. But I get to watch Buffy and Angel now.

I'm happy.

So there.

Current state of mind: pissed off

@#^%!&@^#* There was an electricity failure earlier and now that it's back on, my Astro decoder doesn't seem to want to turn itself back on. Arghhhhh. Building management is supposed to send an electrician up to have a look at it but I still don't see any electrician at my door. It's been 3 hours since I called. I shall be calm and count to ten...and give them another hour and a half before I call them again and scream at them...Damn. That really just makes my day. What with Buffy and Angel being on tomorrow. If the Astro decoder isn't working by then, some heads are going to roll...

Current state of body & mind: toasted

I'm back. Oh home sweet home. It's funny really. No matter where I go, how much fun I've had, it still always feels good to be home in my own bed with all my fluffy, furry toys surrounding me. Sabah was a nice good break. A bit short maybe, but good all the same. There's really nothing much to do there except eat. Which was exactly what we did the moment we touched down - none-stop food all the way. Speaking of touching down, the flight itself was quite an experience. I've never flown Air Asia in my entire life and oh boy...free seating?! That was a total first for me. Having to be really kiasu and fight to board the plane so that you get the seat you wish! Geesh. I've got a feeling that would be the first and last time I fly Air Asia. I think the 200 bucks difference for MAS is but a small price to pay for the luxury of proper numbered seating. Anyway...Sabah. Stayed one night at my friend's place before checking into the luxurious Magellan Resort at Sutera Harbour. Wowwee. The deluxe suite came with a dining room, living room, two balconies and a bedroom. And the best thing about it? It was free! A complimentary room courtesy of the resort. It's good to have friends in the right places . My body is still aching from the trip though - I managed to survive an hour and a half in the jungle, trekking uphill and downhill with my body protesting all the way (I'm not much of an outdoor nature person so the hour and a half was like total torture! Plus the fact that I have a slight dislike for heights...) My friends are planning another trip back to conquer Mt. Kinabalu, of course - the highest peak in Malaysia - which I have profusely indicated that I am not interested in at all...I'd probably get a heart attack less than half-way up the mountain! What I enjoyed most was just hanging out by the beach/pool side soaking up the sun, with an ice cold beer in hand. Ah. That's the life. Of course that also means that I now look like a lobster and my arms and legs feel like they're perpetually on fire!

I start work on Thursday and I am so not looking forward to it. The boredom has waned cos now I've found a friend to go gallivanting with me during the day. Hung about Midvalley today - looking for thank you cards to send to my friend's family in Sabah. And till this point in time, I had never known good and decent looking thank you cards were so damn difficult to come by. Managed to find one but still need to get another. So it's KLCC tomorrow then. I need to pick up my philharmonic tickets and membership card anyway. Oh, and I just checked that my philly membership card entitles me to 5% off books in Kinokuniya. Hehehe I have this feeling that somehow or other I'd be spending money tomorrow. In a big way, that is. Besides books, there's this Prada handbag I've fallen in love with too . Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy...

Current State of Mind: contented

Got down to Midvalley today to do some neccessary shopping. It's pretty hard trying to take a shower when you've run out of soap and shampoo, plus the two light bulbs in my room blew today too. So there I was - bought what I had to buy and spent another hour and a half in the bookshop just killing time. Bought 2 new books (hey, I have to find something to do just in case Sabah turns out to be a real bore - which is what everyone's telling me). Anyway, the 2 books - The Bridegroom by some Chinese writer named Ha Jin and Falling Sideways by Tom Holt - can't wait to get started on them. Checked out a bit of The Bridegroom while waiting in Chilies for some of my friends and ex-colleagues to get off work. And no I didn't have to wait alone cos there was a mug of Guinness to keep me company.

Well, this time tomorrow I'll be in Sabah. Which means I'll be totally off-line without a computer for 4 days. Going without a computer is fine. Going without alcohol, now that's a different thing altogether. Oh and speaking of alcohol, I went ahead and bought a bottle of wine to take over instead. Cheese sausages just seemed to be too much of a trouble...for me, that is.

Current State of Mind: dazed and hungry

Finished reading 3 Haruki Murakami books in two weeks - Wild Sheep Chase, Dance Dance Dance and Sputnik Sweetheart. I know there's supposed to be some deeper meaning associated with the books and their theme but damn, I just can't be bothered to think too much into them. Aren't books supposed to be a form of entertainment and thus stress-free? Making me use my brain too much is not my idea of stress-free. Then why oh why did I go through 3 books? Maybe I should have just stopped at Wild Sheep Chase. But I couldn't. I like this man's writing style. It's quirky. It's weird. It's bizarre. It's literally 'out of this world' and dimension and time plane even! I just have no clue what tree he's barking up sometimes. Reminds me of Japanese movies. Hah! But what really thrilled me was that this guy must read Terry Pratchett too - there was a reference to the turtle and 4 elephants in Wild Sheep Chase. Haha! That really thrilled me to bits. I have the highest regard for Haruki Murakami now knowing that he reads Terry Pratchett too. Haruki-san, you have taste! Terry oh Terry. My favourite-st author! I wonder when his next Discworld book is coming out...

I feel: stuffed

My friend calls up and tells me to get her cheese sausages when I go over to Sabah (well actually she asked for a bike rack but I chose to ignore her on that). Thing is, where in the world am I going to find cheese sausages? Why couldn't she just settle for something simpler...like wine for instance. Aren't there any cheese sausages in Sabah?

Current State of Mind: wide awake

Quarter to 1 in the morning. The TV in the living room is blaring a promo for 'My Stepmother is an Alien' with Kim Basinger over AXN for some day which I didn't quite catch. I need to plan out my day today or I'm going to rot at home again...like how I did yesterday. Yesterday...which was Monday (I can say yesterday now. It's past midnight) was my first day off work. And I was totally, totally bored out of my wits. Didn't do shit except panic over not being able to catch Buffy and Angel on Thursday. Yup, my life is about as exciting as watching paint dry on the wall. Pathetic.

First thing on the agenda would be to bank in my 3 cheques - goodness knows they've sat on my cluttered desk long enough. Which means I'll be getting out of the apartment later today. Believe it or not, I didn't step out for a bit at all yesterday. Yup, the whole day indoors. I do that sometimes. I call it my lazy mood. Come to think of it, I'm in that mood a lot of times. The Malaysia-wide sale is also on at the moment. But I'm not in the mood to do any shopping. Actually, I'm never in the mood to do any shopping whenever there's a sale. Weird, I know. But the thought of having to plough my way through traffic, look for a park (which sometimes is close to impossible) and fight with the crowd just put me off sales completely.

Ah. I just remembered something. I've got to remind a friend to go buy movie tickets for 'The Touch' on Wednesday. Wednesdays are half-priced days and if you want any chance of getting tickets, you have to purchase them a day earlier. All reviews for the movie haven't been that great but hey, it is Datuk Michelle Yeoh we're talking about and this was the movie she gave up 'The Matrix' sequels for. Good or bad reviews, it's a must-see. Also, have to support, support a fellow Malaysian-mah.

Current State of Mind: extreme panic

Argh. I'm in a state of panic. It just hit me...Thursday - the day I fly off to Sabah is also Buffy and Angel night! I wonder if my friend's home in Sabah has Astro. I'm sure they do. I hope they do. I can't miss an episode of Buffy or Angel! That'll be like...shock horror! No no no no no. I need a fall-back plan just in case though. Got to find someone to record those episodes for me. Buffy and Angel (okay, maybe not so much Angel. But Buffy)...there's no way I can miss any episodes. Absolutely no no. I drop everything for Buffy and Angel. Thursday nights I just stay at home glued to the TV. None of my friends understand my fascination with the TV series. They don't get it why I have to rush home every Thursday night. "So, Buffy's more important than having a drink with friends?" they ask. Well...I only get to watch Buffy once a week and I can see my friends every day...
They still don't get it though. But that's because they don't watch the show. I reckon it's probably one of the best kick-ass series to have come out in a long while. It's got everything - horror, romance, comedy, you name it. And some of the lines the characters roll off their tongues...wowweee! Some times I do wish they would watch it though. Then at least I'll have people to talk to about it. But as yet I haven't been able to convert anyone. All I need is to get them to watch one episode with me...

I am totally zonked out. I have just spent the last 4 hours trying to get my website in order. I kept doing the same wrong thing over and over and over again - took me at least 3 times before I finally got it right. Now I'm trying to figure out this blogger thing and its settings and I think I'm just going to go crazy. At least it's much easier that way...

Today has been a pretty eventful Sunday. Not staying at home just watching TV makes it a pretty eventful Sunday, I guess. Got back from a matinee performance not too long ago. A little treat from a friend of mine who's trying to promote it as a favour to another friend. Had absolutely no clue as to what I was going to watch, but I figured since it was free, what the heck. The performance was curiously named Actorlympics. Don't ask me why. I guess they were trying to be original by not calling it Theatre Sports. Which is what it is. But if I had to describe it to anyone, I'd probably just say, "Have you ever watched 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?' It's similar." I must say it was really good fun though and sitting in the theatre on a Sunday afternoon definitely beats roaming around aimlessly, fighting with the weekend crowd in a shopping mall somewhere.

After a close to 4-hour search on the net last night (or should I say early this morning?) for a suitable online journal, I've finally landed with this one. I don't know if I'd like this one yet but I supposed I can't be fussed anymore. Plus I rather like how this particular one is called...at least it sounds more interesting than those other bla bla journals this and that. Blogger. Whatever that means. Reminds me of booger somewhat. Which in turn reminds me I should go clean my nose in awhile...

So anyway, here's my ever first entry in a journal of any kind. And today's my last day of work. I wonder if there's any significance in the coincidence. It probably just means that there's a cause for celebration and alcoholic shenanigans. But who really needs any reason to go drinking anyway?! I've recently acquired this taste for Guiness...which I guess is a bit like drinking soy sauce with a layer of cream on the top. Or maybe not. Whatever. I like it. And I'd probably be downing a few more tonight. I just hope I don't go down too. But the look on one of my colleague's face has revenge written all over it (she crashed out during her birthday...thanks to us of course...and she's been waiting to get back at us ever since.) And today being my last day and all, they say it's a cause to go drinking. But we all know that's just an excuse.